Have you ever met someone who has been sprayed by a skunk? Not a dog or other animal, but a real live person? Now you have. Yep, that’s me. I hadn’t been in Blacksburg more than 5 hours after coming home from Hokie Camp and I was sprayed by a nasty little creature. How did this happen? Let me tell you.

I came home from Hokie Camp completely exhausted and took a long nap. Afterwards, I needed to go on a run. I took off a little before dusk and was feeling great so I kept going farther. I knew the farther I ran, the darker it would get but I’d run the same trail hundreds of times and didn’t need much light to get back home. About a quarter of a mile away from my front door I hit a particularly dark spot in between some trees. I heard a rustling in the bushes and didn’t think much of it. Before I knew it I heard a sound very similar to an engine break. I immediately felt a spray of liquid over my face and entire right-side of my body…and in my eyeballs. In the moonlight I saw a little black creature with a white stripe dart out in front of me and scamper away.

It took about 5 seconds to realize what had just happened. I ran the quarter-mile stretch home in about 20 seconds. Literally. I threw my shoes off outside my apartment, ran inside and immediately called my boss. He’s originally from Southwest Virginia so I figure this had to have happened to him at some point in his life. Here’s our conversation:

Rick: “What’s going on, Meggie?”

Me: “RICK. YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE THIS. I JUST GOT SPRAYED IN THE FACE BY A SKUNK. TELL ME WHAT TO DO.” *hysterical laughter/crying*

Rick: …silence…”You did what?”

Me: *crying* “A LEGIT SKUNK JUST SPRAYED ME. MY EYEBALLS ARE ON FIRE. I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO.”

Rick: …laughter…”Awww Meggie. Are you OK? Hold on, let me figure this out.”

Me: *crying* “Seriously?! This has never happened to you? My eyeballs hurt. Oh it smells so bad. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?!?” *hysterical crying*

After this conversation, I threw away my contacts and sat in a shower covered in tomato sauce. This removed enough of the stench to make it to the Lion King across the street from my apartment to buy hydrogen peroxide. After making a mixture of peroxide, baking soda, and dish soap, I sat in the shower scrubbing for another 30 minutes.

Soon after I called my boss again.

Me: “Rick, my apartment reeks. It’s everywhere.”

Rick: “Yah…about that…the first thing the website says is to not go into your apartment. I wanted to tell you that but I didn’t want to make you more upset.”

Me: “Awesome.”

Here are some of my favorite reactions to my story:

Hunter: “Who are you? How did this happen?”

Me: *explanation of the story*

Hunter: “You are bizarre. I’m not sure how to react? Funny? Or maybe a little too grave to be funny…”

Me: “Thanks.”

Hunter: “…stench is transient.”

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Me: *explanation of the story*

Mom: …silence…”Oh Meg, are you OK?”

Me: “Yeah, the skunk didn’t attack me. It just sprayed me.”

Mom: *laughter*

Me: “Mom?”

Mom: *uncontrollable laughter*

Me: “Hello?”

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Me: *explanation of the story*

Jessica: “Awww Meg. See, you shouldn’t go running outside. Or at night.”

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Me: *explanation of the story*

David: …silence…”Well, I would say something but I honestly can’t top that. We should probably just end the conversation now.”

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I visited my office the day after…

Dean Brown: “Phew…something smells off…like skunk or something.”

Me: “Very funny.”

Dean Brown: “So you spent two weeks in the woods at Hokie Camp and nothing happened to you. You spend 5 hours in Blacksburg and get sprayed by a skunk?”

Me: “Exactly. Well, I got bit by a spider at Hokie Camp..but that’s not as cool as being sprayed by a skunk.”

Dean Brown: “Can we call you Skunk-Girl? Or Skunky? Like, ‘Did Skunky come into the office today?’ or ‘Where’s Skunky?'”

Me: “Funny. Reallllly funny. I’m leaving.”

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Anyways, after a bottle of Febreeze, 12 showers, 4 bottles of hydrogen peroxide, a half bottle of vinegar, and keeping my windows open constantly, I think my apartment and I finally smell normal. I catch little whiffs every now and then so I just go shower again. The only thing that still smells is my iPhone Otterbox because I used it right after I got sprayed. Hopefully it will go away soon?

Oh! And now I have a strange fear of skunks. Seriously.

Take-aways from my story:

Don’t run at night.

Don’t go into an apartment after being sprayed by skunk.

Don’t expect to keep anything you touch after being sprayed by a skunk.

Don’t run at night.

I freakin’ hate skunks.