The Agony of the Toy Aisle

It started with the baby wave. You know, when the baby shower invitations out-weigh the wedding invites? And you know what? I had just gotten really good at buying wedding gifts. I had the Bed, Bath, and Beyond layout memorized. The Target employees knew me by name. And then, BOOM. Everybody had to go and get pregnant.

Let’s stop pretending: The baby aisle is the epitome of confusion. How many types of bottles could there possibly be? Why are there so many colors of bibs? How do you pick the perfect pacifier? Needless to say I get overwhelmed and end up buying a gift card and bottle of wine as I leave the store. (The wine is for me, not the happy couple–just in case you were wondering.)

Anyways, NOW those babies are growing and my shopping has slowly shifted to the actual toy section.

You may be thinking:

“Meg, that’s awesome! Who doesn’t like to shop for toys?!”

Listen up, ladies and gentlemen, IT’S NOT AWESOME. Toy shopping when you were a kid? Awesome. Toy shopping for other kids? NOT AWESOME.

Fast forward to Andrew’s Birthday–A very special 2 year-old celebrating with a circus-themed this past Sunday.

In the good ol’ days, you either bought a Barbie, Play Dough, or Hot Wheels. But now, there’s an entire aisle dedicated to Zombie Strike Nerf Guns.

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Zombies? Really?

Disney Princesses are still in, so that’s good to know. I had to stop from buying this from myself. They didn’t have small enough size, though.

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Anyways, not only are you supposed to make sure the gift you buy is cool, but it also has to be something that the kid won’t choke on.

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The toy above was listed as “Ages 1-5.” What the heck? “1-5”? How does that help me?!? Are you saying that a child between 1-5 thinks this toy is cool? Or won’t swallow it? And four years is a pretty significant gap, Toy Store owner.

After spending about 20 minutes reviewing the many types of Legos, I got distracted when I found this beauty:

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Do you know how much I would weigh if I had this toy as a kid? I mean, I was a fat kid to begin with, but I’m pretty sure this would have done me in.

And they still sell these?!?! I’m glad this blast from the past is still being appreciated.

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Anyway, I finally settled on a Peter Pan treasure chest that included a sword, treasure map, and hook. I don’t want to brag, but it was a hit.

Before I left I had this in my cart:

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But I realized it was too small for my hands and I put it back.

Conclusion from my toy store escapade? Buying toys is hard. So–friends with babies–you’re getting gift cards from now on. Unless your child likes Disney Princesses. Or Easy-Bake Ovens. Then I’m a pro.

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